THIS IS WHERE I AM.

AND HAVE BEEN.

WITHOUT END.

SINCE FOREVER.

(IT SEEMS.)

THIS IS WHERE I’D LIKE TO BE.

IT’S IN MADEIRA.

IT’S VERY LUXURIOUS.  AND ENGLISH. AND EXPENSIVE.

CHURCHILL AND GEORGE BERNARD SHAW ONCE STAYED THERE.

WE WERE THERE TOO.

FOUR AND A HALF YEARS AGO.

FOR A WEEK.

I FOUND A SPECIAL RATE FOR THE ROOMS AT THE TOP.

OUR ROOM WAS TINY.

(THAT’S WHY THE SPECIAL RATE.)

BUT DESPITE THE ROOM SIZE,

ALL THE OTHER PERKS OF THE HOTEL WERE FREE.

THERE WAS EVEN HIGH TEA.

(35 EUROS EXTRA)

WITH CLOTTED CREAM!

YOU COULD TAKE A TAXI INTO TOWN TO LOOK AROUND.

(WE DID.)

YOU COULD ALSO TAKE A HALF-DAY BUS TOUR

OF HALF THE ISLAND.

(WITH A TOUR GUIDE.)

WE DID THAT, TOO.

AND THEN ANOTHER HALF-DAY TOUR

OF THE OTHER HALF OF THE ISLAND.

(WITH ANOTHER TOUR GUIDE.)

WE ATE DINNER IN A SUPERB ITALIAN RESTAURANT THAT COST A LOT.

(BUT WHAT THE HELL.

IT’S ONLY MONEY.)

ANOTHER DAY WE WENT BACK INTO TOWN

TO BUY PRESENTS.

THEN WE RAN OUT OF THINGS TO DO.

(IT’S A VERY SMALL ISLAND.)

WE JUST HUNG OUT.

WE WERE BORED!

WE COULDN’T WAIT TO GET HOME AGAIN!

CAN YOU IMAGINE?

DO YOU SUPPOSE THEY STILL HAVE THAT SPECIAL RATE ON THOSE TEENY TINY ROOMS?